Background info in a nutshell: I have a long history of sexual, physical, mental, and drug abuse in my family. I was neglected and unprotected my entire life as a child for the most part. My mother chose her husband, my stepfather, over me knowing that he and others sexually abuse me. My dad on the other hand was is still addicted to crack-cocaine. I had a long history of self destructive behaviors because I blamed everything and everyone for not LOVING me enough! As many girls today, I ran everywhere looking for someone-something to LOVE me.

Jumping to the middle: God sent a husband who loves me as Christ loves the church. I am a homeschooling mom with children sent from heaven. I am so happy that God has turned my ashes into beauty. I am seeking my licensure as a marriage and family therapist as well as writing my first books incest, rape victims.

Current Day: My husband and I really stand alone as far as my family is truly concerned. However, I have not spoken to my mother in about 2 ½ years ago until last week. I apologized for not honoring her as Christ calls us to do-I didn’t think she deserved it. I didn’t want to give it to her since she hurt me so. After hearing Pastor Hartman’s sermon on Love is patient and the love challenge God started a work it me. now for sure I was a rebellious stone and didn’t want to participate and openly stated it to me husband. I told him I have loved my whole life and I think I love too much so I wasn’t willing to give my heart out to anyone anymore, including my family. God didn’t give up on me though-he burdened my heart with contacting my mother and telling her I forgive her. I couldn’t believe that I could be a stumbling block to my mother after all she had done and allowed to be done to me.

Another long story short: I opened my heart to Christ and did as he called me to. My mother was pouncing on me verbally ready to attack me when we met last Thursday. She was saying such hateful things and telling me that what happened to me was my fault although my sexual abuse began from the time I was 5 years old until a teenager. I have had those words in my mind my entire life. I so wanted to strangle her and scream at her in anguish, but God’s word was written in my heart-I simply bowed my head to her and cried outwardly and prayed silently to God that I die to self like Paul-that I be a walking corpse; That I possess the beatitudes of forbearance, gentleness, meekness, and PATIENCE with her. I had to be patient and know that any person who has Christ would not say such things to me. I had compassion for her when I didn’t think I could. So I prayed that God would forgive her as she was talking to me for she knew not what she was saying for she was without Christ. I allowed her to say everything and remembered God’s word says “a soft answer quiets a quarrel.” It was so painful to say the least.

Another long, long story short: My new goal was to love on her in Christ as He has done me. I told her that I loved her unconditionally; I wasn’t angry with her; I am not depressed; I was happy that God has chosen my life for me; that I was thankful that God thought enough about me to allow me to have all the experiences in my childhood; he is my Healer and my Clinger; I hold nothing against her; she owes me nothing and I ask nothing of her.

THE BEST PART: she apologized to me for everything. I am 36 years old and never in my life has my mother apologized with her head hanging down remorsefully, let alone an apology at all. She had told me from the time I could remember that I was a mistake. I eagerly told her that I accepted her apology. She then went on to say that I feel so guilty about everything with you. I could have, maybe should have stomped on her feelings with what the flesh said to do. But, God’s sovereignty overruled-I offered her salvation instead. I introduced her to Christ’s love and explained the rationale on why He died for our sins-that believing in Him is Freeing! She totally received it from me-I then sent her a prayer introducing overcoming guilt in Christ. Now this is the same lady who had persecuted me from the time she saw me and then two hours later this same woman apologized and softened her heart towards me. She was a different lady to be sure! She called me Saturday and told me she loved me!

God is so POWERFUL! I just wanted to thank Pastor Hartman for being a man of God and listening to the Spirit! I just wanted to send him some confirmation since sometimes only the negatives are heard-I wanted to bless him with God’s powerful works! Thank You!